Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
