I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
