we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
