So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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