no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
