the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
