i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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