Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
