There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
