Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Are my feet made of real feet?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
