john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
