Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
