after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
