we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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