atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
