Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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