I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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