your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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