PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
