So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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