hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
