Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
