i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
