I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it glows. i had to have it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
