every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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