Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
