Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
