my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Even my vagina gasped.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
