i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
did i just pee glitter
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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