Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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