Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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