I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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