problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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