My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
