I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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