I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
