so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
