There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
