I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
