I can't breathe out the right side of my face
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
