My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
