i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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