Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
