He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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