I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
