Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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