So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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