If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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