Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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