So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
