Duck Duck Cougar?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
