youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
