yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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