i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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