I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
handjob tips. give me some.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
